The Intersection of Identity, Pregnancy, and Body Image

An Interview with my sister, Jenna

Trigger warning: This post has content related to pregnancy, miscarriage, unwanted pregnancies, and racism. 

1. Describe the most important aspects of your identity in one to three sentences.

This is tricky for me because core components of my identity have changed over the last year. Today, I would say there are several important aspects of my identity (in no particular order): partner, woman, vegetarian and animal-lover, empathizer, daughter and sister, mother-to-be.

2. With which of these descriptors do you identify? Please explain.

Age: Young, middle-aged, old, or other? Body Size: Thin, fat, or other? Race/Ethnicity: White, POC, or other? Sexual orientation: Asexual, demisexual, heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, or other? Gender: Cisgender, transgender, agender, genderqueer, non-binary, or other? Ability: Able-bodied, disabled, or other? Eating Disorder Status: Struggling with an eating disorder, recovered from an eating disorder, never had an eating disorder, or other? Other ways in which society marginalizes (or does not marginalize) your body or identity. 

I am a young, white, heterosexual, able-bodied, cisgender woman who has never struggled with an eating disorder. I am very privileged. 

3. What was your relationship to food and your body like growing up?

4. How has being pregnant affected your relationship with food, your body, and your body image?

Being pregnant has changed my relationship with my body in a lot of ways. My first pregnancy ended with a missed miscarriage. With this type of miscarriage, my body did not recognize that my pregnancy was not viable, which resulted in me choosing surgery rather than waiting for my body to empty my uterus on its own. It was the first time in my life where I truly felt betrayed by my body. My body did not successfully carry the pregnancy; my body told me everything was progressing fine when it was not; my body did not take care of things itself and instead resulted in me pursuing medical intervention. I truly felt my body had let me down in so many ways.

This experience with my first pregnancy has very much influenced how I relate to my body in my current pregnancy. The trust I had established with my body over almost three decades had been destroyed, and it has taken many months over the course of this pregnancy to start trusting my body again. Reaching each milestone of this pregnancy has helped me build that trust a little more. 

Pregnancy has also done strange things in influencing my relationship with food and body. In particular, pregnancy has wildly affected my relationship with food. Much of the pregnancy has been filled with extreme nausea, where eating anything was a struggle. But there have also been weeks where my hunger is constant and the cravings for sweets are overwhelming. During pregnancy, there are constant reminders from apps, websites, and doctors about what you “should” be eating, how much you “should” be exercising, and how much weight you “should” be gaining. Because it is impossible to “do” pregnancy perfectly, this often leads to a sense of guilt. And, unlike usual, when your eating choices mostly just affect yourself, when pregnant, every choice you make can also affect your growing baby. As an adult, I typically have been fortunate enough to understand and follow my body cues in terms of when to eat, how much to eat, and what to eat. With pregnancy, following these cues is much more difficult, which has made me frequently question my choices.

Finally, because (somewhat rapid) weight gain is typically an inevitable part of pregnancy, it is something I of course notice. Personally, for the most part, I have not minded gaining weight, as it is a reminder for me that my body is doing its job and growing a healthy baby. However, I have gained weight slightly more rapidly than is recommended by doctors, and this has made me somewhat self-conscious. I am always nervous the doctor will say something at my appointments or that it will make it more difficult for my labor and delivery. But, oh well. Overall, I actually feel proud of my current appearance. Pregnancy is extremely hard work, emotionally and physically, so as I have made it to later pregnancy, I mostly feel powerful when I am out in public. I will say that people feel very entitled to ask you personal questions while pregnant, which does make me slightly uncomfortable; and I have been quite fortunate that no strangers have tried to touch me. My body is still my body, even if I am sharing it with my baby for now. And while I am not a huge fan of the incredible number of stretch marks I have developed, they mostly don’t bother me. All of this seems like a small exchange for the ultimate prize.

5. How has your intersectional identity affected your body image during pregnancy?

Note: According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, intersectionality is defined as “the complex, cumulative way in which the effects of multiple forms of discrimination (such as racism, sexism, and classism) combine, overlap, or intersect especially in the experiences of marginalized individuals or groups.”

I was born with an incredible amount of privilege and this privilege has continued throughout my adult life. I have had access to education, financial stability, health care, and resources. As a heterosexual, cisgender, able-bodied, almost-30-year-old, white, married woman, my desire to get pregnant and seek medical aid has not been difficult. No doctor or other medical professional, no family member, no stranger has ever questioned me or my intentions. I think all of this has allowed me the freedom to feel anything during my pregnancy. Much like pre-pregnancy, some days my body image suffers and some days I feel great about myself. I have been afforded by society the freedom to feel whatever I feel during pregnancy.

I will say that because of my previous pregnancy loss, I am very conscious about how and to whom I express any of these feelings. I know from first-hand experience how difficult it is to see pregnant folks express their joy and/or complain about the difficulties of pregnancy. It is, of course, completely fine for folks to express how they are feeling publicly. But when you are struggling to get pregnant or have just lost a pregnancy, for me at least, it is very difficult to see these things objectively.

One final thought that does not relate directly to my body image but does relate to my pregnancy experience. While I recognize I have so much privilege, my husband is mixed race and is typically identified as Black. There are hateful people who truly believe interracial relationships, and especially having mixed-race babies, are bad. My husband and I live in a mostly-white neighborhood in a mostly-white city in a mostly-white state. This pregnancy, in particular, has made me hyper aware of the risks my child will face simply because he will be a non-white boy (and eventually, non-white man) in America.

6. If applicable, how has your relationship to food, your body, and your body image changed postpartum? And, how has your intersectional identity affected your body image after pregnancy?

Not sure yet, as I am still pregnant. : )

7. What advice do you have for other people who are or may become pregnant as it relates to food, body, and body image?

**This response is intended for someone who is experiencing/may experience a wanted pregnancy**

Your body will change dramatically and in a very short period of time. This can make you feel like you have very little control over what is happening in your own body. And this is true. You don’t have control. However, it is also miraculous that in such a short period of time, your body can create a new life. The choices we make while pregnant are important for our own health and well-being, but, unlike most of the choices we make as they relate to our own bodies, the choices we make while pregnant also affect our babies. Pregnancy is a time when your hormones and emotions may be particularly out-of-whack and this can add to the discomfort we feel while pregnant. I also think it is important to recognize how difficult pregnancy is. It is emotionally and physically challenging. For many women (like me), it is physically uncomfortable and often painful. It is scary and exciting at the same time. There is a strange simultaneous focus on the now and the future.

For those of us who have experienced pregnancy loss, many of these emotions are furthur magnified. At the same time, some of the most dramatic physical changes are welcome reminders that our babies are still growing and healthy.

For all pregnant women, it is important to keep in mind that the dramatic changes are supposed to happen and are necessary for the health and well-being of our little ones.

As for our relationship with food, pregnancy is a weird time. The range of experiences with this relationship can be broad, both between women and for one woman throughout her pregnancy. Many women experience extreme nausea and vomiting, which makes it near-impossible to eat anything at all while others can be hungry all the time. Food cravings and aversions can change from hour to hour, making it challenging to ever feel quite satisfied. Later in pregnancy, women often experience hunger but are unable to eat more than a few bites because baby is pressing on their stomachs. All of these experiences can make it challenging to maintain a doctor-recommended “well-balanced” daily diet. And that’s okay. Just do your best, take your vitamins, and recognize that chances are you and your baby will both be just fine.

8. What can individual people and society do to better support people during pregnancy as it relates to food, body, and body image?