The Trump Administration’s and Congressional Republicans’ Endorsement of Sexual Assault

And Its Real-World Consequences for Survivors

Content warning: This post includes details of sexual assaults. If you may find this triggering, read it with a support person, such as a therapist or good friend, or save it for later. 

Welcome back after Body Compassion Blog’s hiatus. Beginning in September 2018, I had to take a break from writing in order to prioritize other aspects of my self-care: restarting therapy with a new therapist, working on craft projects for one of my nieces, and working tirelessly to improve my dog’s nighttime behaviors.

I knew that I needed this time off from writing to focus on my mental health in other ways because I could feel my anxious heart beating faster and harder; I could feel my depressed, exhausted eyes straining (and often failing) to stay open during the day; I was worn down from the unsuccessful attempts to get my dog to sleep at night (including allowing her to bark all night for a few painful weeks while we stayed at an Airbnb or at our apartment alone to teach her that she was not going to receive attention for barking); I was struggling to maintain personal relationships; and I was failing to nourish my body properly to handle all of these stresses. The final and most palpable sign that I needed to prioritize my mental health self-care was being hurled back into Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) during the Kavanaugh hearings.

Brett Kavanaugh and the Survivors of his Sexual Assault

I am still enraged about Brett Kavanaugh being confirmed to the United States Supreme Court. (Ruth Bader Ginsburg, you are one of my heroes. Keep fighting for justice and equality.) I am ashamed to live in a country, the United States, that cannot show compassion toward the bodies of women, femmes, and all other survivors of sexual assault. However, now, with some time and space to reflect, I am able to talk about my anger and shame.

Body compassion is not just about being kind to our bodies regardless of size, shape, or color, but also about respecting every individual’s body autonomy, sexuality, and boundaries.

On September 27, 2018, Dr. Christine Blasey Ford bravely stood in front of the United States Congress and national television cameras and told her story of being sexually assaulted by Brett Kavanaugh during high school many years ago. She told all of the details that she could remember, but she could not remember every single detail surrounding the assault. The memories she did retain were vivid – his body grinding against hers, her fear of being raped, her terror that she would suffocate, and the sound of Brett Kavanaugh and his friend Mark Judge, laughing. The nation, including the President of the United States, denigrated her for the details she could not remember – how she got to and from the party, who else attended the party, the exact date of the party. The expectation that she remember these details is completely unfair and unrealistic; it is entirely normal for survivors to forget some details of their assault. However, they know that they have been assaulted and, if they knew their assailant, by whom, regardless of memory loss around the surrounding details.

I BELIEVE CHRISTINE BLASEY FORD. I BELIEVE SURVIVORS.

I am a survivor.

Every time the United States President, a member of Congress, a media personality, a writer, or an average person on social media criticized Dr. Blasey Ford or the other women who came forward to accuse Brett Kavanaugh of sexual assault, I felt like they were also criticizing me. I felt so much empathy for Dr. Christine Blasey Ford’s experiences. I felt angry that if people didn’t believe her, testifying under oath on national television in front of the United States Congress, they certainly wouldn’t believe or care about what happened to me.

I do not remember the date of my assault. I do not remember if I had had anything to drink. I cannot remember what I was wearing. I welcomed my assailant into my apartment. I was dating him. I trusted him. He betrayed my trust.

I do remember the physical feeling. I do remember not giving my consent. I do remember getting up and running away from him. I do remember asking him to verbally confirm what he had done, which he did — like no big deal. I do remember him crying because “I rejected him.” I do remember walking to campus the next day feeling extremely violated, afraid, and confused.

I did not immediately report it. I did not even stop dating him right away. I pretended like it did not happen so that I would not have to deal with the immense shame and embarrassment of having been betrayed in the most intimate way.

The ridiculous thing is, my rapist doesn’t even understand that what he did was rape. You cannot rape a woman you are dating, right? Especially if she is wearing that, right? She didn’t say “no,” this time, so she must have meant “yes,” right? She doesn’t remember all of the details, so it didn’t happen, right? In case you have any doubt, the answers are no, no, no, and no.

Long after the assault, I accidentally reported that crime by disclosing it to a police officer when I was trying to obtain a protection order. After I ended our relationship, he began stalking me. I did not realize law enforcement would have to follow-up on the sexual assault, too. I was humiliated over and over describing my story in detail, including the things I wish I had done differently, to police officers, detectives, lawyers, and victims’ advocates. I beat myself up over the steps, which are only visible in hindsight, that I could have taken to prevent the assault. I heard from the DA the terrible things that the defense lawyer was saying about me – basically that I was emotionally unstable and crazy and so I couldn’t have been raped? Something like that.  I endured all of that, and he did not get convicted of rape or sexual assault. He got in a little trouble for stalking me, and I got a protection order, but there is no record of his sexual assault. No wonder more victims don’t report!

Even before Kavanaugh, Donald Trump bragged about sexually assaulting women, and despite this, he was elected to be President of the United States of America. (Time to get rid of the Electoral College anyone?) After Kavanaugh’s confirmation, Secretary of Education, Betsy DeVos has worked to protect the accused, rather than the victims, on college campuses. This is outrageous, and, as a country, we must do better.

Take Action.

Body compassion is inherently political. Speak out against systems intended to protect perpetrators. Reject candidates for public office who do not respect the bodies of all people. Teach children about body autonomy, sex, and consent. Tell survivors that you believe them.  Act compassionately toward all bodies, under all circumstances. Ask for and receive consent before advancing sexually.

If you’ve experienced sexual assault, you deserve support. Please call RAINN’s National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) or visit their 24/7 chat.