Self-care is essential in the process of healing our relationships with food and body. Most of us who struggle in these areas have people-pleasing tendencies and find it very difficult to practice self-care. We consider it selfish, but it is not! As cliché as it is, the airplane analogy rings true: you must put on your air mask before assisting others. Self-care is necessary, and you are worthy of it.

Here are 11 self-care practices that I have found helpful in my recovery journey:

1. Enlisting an Emotional Support Team

I truly believe that I would not have survived without my emotional support team. To help me through my toughest times, I relied heavily on my connections with my family, especially my parents; my good friends; my treatment team; my boyfriend; and my emotional support rats, Milo and Otis. Milo and Otis were particularly critical for me immediately after leaving residential and partial hospitalization treatment. I was able to use them, and not restriction and exercise, to cope with my anxiety, depression, fears, and an abusive romantic relationship. I started experiencing panic attacks that only they could relieve. Just holding them and petting them and watching them explore and happily eat peanuts and cheese calmed my racing heart and helped bring me peace. (Note: I do not necessarily recommend adopting untrained animals for emotional support. You never know what level of support your animal will be able to offer. After adopting Milo and Otis, I adopted a dog because I knew I needed more support than they alone could provide. My dog, however, needs far more support for her own chronic anxiety than she can give me.)

Surround yourself with support. Ask for help when you need it. Do not allow people who cannot find compassion for you to take up space in your life. You are worthy of support. Who can you trust to be part of your support team?

2. Journaling and Writing Poetry

Journaling and writing poetry has been very healing for me. Poetry was especially helpful for me to process some of the trauma I experienced as a highly empathic person surrounded by suffering in residential treatment. Journaling has helped me process feelings, emotions, and experiences. It helps move thoughts and energy out of me and onto a page, in a safe, private space without fear of judgment.

3. Throwing Away The Scale, Deleting Calorie Counting and Exercise Apps and Websites

A number does not dictate my worth. One of the very first steps on my recovery journey (after treatment) was to delete apps, delete accounts on websites, and very literally get rid of my scale. If I had a Fitbit or other similar device, I would have needed to get rid of that, too. Numbers had too much power over me so I removed them from my life. But how do I know if I am getting too fat to be healthy? Weight does not determine health; if I am gaining weight, that is what my body needs. (Note: Having too low of a weight is unhealthy. If you are struggling with a low body weight, seek professional help.)

What can you remove from your life to release the grip of numbers on you?

4. Therapy

I have had several helpful and unhelpful experiences with therapy. The most profound therapy I have done is Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT) values work, as well as work on my assertiveness skills.

Values. My top value is family. I also really value compassion (obviously), honesty, love, faithfulness, learning, and nature. Having identified these key values that are essential to my identity, I can use them to guide my decisions and actions. I now consider, “Does this bring me closer or further away from living a life in line with my values?” before making decisions.

If your values are unclear, try doing a personal values card sort activity. There are many versions of the cards, including this one from the Urban Indian Health Institute. Try to separate your true values from the things you think you should value based on your family’s, friends’ or society’s values.

What are your values?

Assertiveness. I am naturally a very conflict-avoidant, passive, people-pleasing person. I have struggled over the years to advocate for my needs and desires. Therapy has taught me how to create boundaries and express my needs much more effectively.

Do you communicate passively, passive-aggressively, aggressively, or assertively?

5. Medication

In 2014 after leaving treatment, my doctor and I decided that I should try medication to help manage my anxiety and depression since I did not want to revert to restriction or exercise as coping mechanisms. Mental illness is unreasonably stigmatized in U.S. society, and taking medication is even more heavily shamed. People in my life pressured me not to take the medicine, but ultimately, I decided to try it. In the years following, I have not found the right medication for me, but I have heard many stories of it being very helpful for other people. Body autonomy important, and if you and your doctor feel that medication is the right choice for you, I support your decision.

6. Gratitudes

My gratitude practice has also been very healing. I try to practice daily, but I find compassion for myself on days that I miss. (The goal is not perfection!) Each day, I try to think of three things from the day for which I am grateful. I try to make at least one of them for someone in my support team and one of them for myself. The other is often something as simple as this: “The sun was shining when I was at the dog park today.” It is a very simple and quick practice that reminds me that I have so much to be grateful for in life, even on the “bad days.” My practice has included writing my gratitudes in a journal, sharing my gratitudes with loved ones, or just setting aside a time to thoughtfully reflect on gratitudes to myself.

What are you grateful for today?

7. Art & Crafts

I love painting, knitting, crocheting, needlepoint – basically all things arts and crafts. They bring peace to my soul in a way that few other things do, and I love being able to share the finished products as gifts for loved ones. (This is one way I express my value of love and connect with my value of family.) It helps me express myself and bring stillness into my life. Judgment always tries to creep in, but there is no “wrong way” to do art. Even if you don’t share it with anybody, art can be a helpful way to move emotions through you.

How do you express your creativity?

8. Aromatherapy

Candles, incense, tea, bath bombs, and bubbles, oh my! Good scents help me come back into my body and really become in touch with my sense of smell.

What are your favorite scents?

9. Affirmations

My internalized fat-phobia and feelings of unworthiness stemmed from hearing negative messages repeatedly. I believed those things so deeply that they became my truth. In order to rewire my brain to think differently and have different truths, I needed to start hearing the opposite messages repeatedly. Self-compassion is an essential part of my value, compassion, so I got window markers and wrote them on my mirror so I would see them every single day.

I am worthy of love and respect.

I am not a failure.

I am good enough.

What affirmations could you use to challenge your limiting beliefs about yourself?

10. Mindful Hiking/Joyful Movement

When at a healthy weight for your body and when medically stable, gentle movement is another helpful way to move energy and emotions through (and out of) your body. For me personally, hiking outdoors is very important. It connects me with my value, nature, and provides me with a source of joyful movement without sucking me back into the diet-mentality of exercising for weight loss. Rather, I am moving to connect with nature – see wild animals, flowers, and mountain vistas; feel the warm sun or cool wind on my skin; and hear birds chirping or insects buzzing.

What types of joyful movement connect you with your values?  

11. Curating Media Consumption

Both becoming more media literate (e.g., understanding that photographs of models are manipulated with photo-editing software), as well as consciously curating the sources of media I consume, have been important aspects of my self-care. If we aren’t careful, we can be overwhelmed with messages spreading fat-phobia, the diet-mentality, the thin ideal, perfectionism, and how we are not good enough and need to become better (usually by buying a diet, exercise, beauty, fashion, or productivity product). I have intentionally curated my media intake to become inundated with helpful, body positive, self-acceptance, anti-diet, pro-rest messages that tell me I am inherently worthy of love and respect. Following social media accounts, listening to podcasts, and reading books that are anti-diet, body positive, and health at every size, has been essential to the most recent step in my journey. This is one of the main reasons I decided to start a blog. I wanted to offer a resource for other people who need to hear these messages, too.

Yoga and Mindfulness…

are other self-care practices that have helped people I know (or know of) on their journeys, although it has not been a regular part of my self-care practices.

Yoga helps many people become embodied. We often live in our heads and fail to acknowledge our bodies beneath our necks. Yoga forces us to drop back into our bodies and mindfully connect with our full, embodied experience. Yoga classes are becoming increasingly inclusive. There are more and more yoga instructors teaching classes for people in ALL bodies, including people with differences in physical abilities (e.g., wheelchair yoga) and people in bigger bodies.

What self-care practices do you find helpful?