The Intersection of Identity, Pregnancy, and Body Image
An Interview with S.F.
Trigger warning: This post has content related to pregnancy and eating disorders. If you are struggling with an eating disorder, please reach out to the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) Helpline. Call (800) 931-2237, or use the “Click to Chat” option. If you are experiencing a crisis, call 911, or text “NEDA” to 741741.
1. Describe the most important aspects of your identity in one to three sentences.
The most important aspect of my identity is how I represent myself to society. My reputation and how others perceive me is very important to me.
2. With which of these descriptors do you identify? Please explain.
Age: Young, middle-aged, old, or other? Body Size: Thin, fat, or other? Race/Ethnicity: White, POC, or other? Sexual orientation: Asexual, demisexual, heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, or other? Gender: Cisgender, transgender, agender, genderqueer, non-binary, or other? Ability: Able-bodied, disabled, or other? Eating Disorder Status: Struggling with an eating disorder, recovered from an eating disorder, never had an eating disorder, or other? Other ways in which society marginalizes (or does not marginalize) your body or identity.
I am a young (32-years-old), full-figured, African-American identifying biracial, heterosexual, able-bodied woman, who is actively recovering from a diagnosed eating disorder. I have been in recovery from anorexia since 2004. Mainstream society marginalizes me by identifying my full-figured, African-American body as “obese.”
3. What was your relationship to food and your body like growing up?
Growing up I was very happy with my body; I was an athlete, so I was always very fit and healthy. My relationship with my body changed when I met my step-mother and reached puberty. My step-mother did everything she could to change her body to meet mainstream cultural ideals. She got breast augmentations, waxed her body hair, and opted for Lasik eye surgery. During puberty, my body became a fuller-figure. Thus, at age 16, I no longer believed that my body was appealing in the eyes of popular culture. I believed that I, like my step-mother, needed to change my body to meet societal standards. I developed anorexia and began to restrict my eating in attempt to return to my thinner, prepubescent conventionally accepted body-type.
4. How has being pregnant affected your relationship with food, your body, and your body image?
At first, I worried about the weight gain that would go with pregnancy, but I believe that being in recovery for over ten years helped prepare me for the changes that pregnancy would bring to my body. I went into the pregnancy very healthy; before conception, I was following a workout regimen and meal plan that supported my recovery and well-being. Knowing that I was actively supporting my health really helped me mentally handle the challenges of pregnancy-related body changes. Post-pregnancy has been more difficult for me, and I have openly struggled with my post-pregnancy body and eating habits. I am working to improve my postpartum relationship with my body as my partner and I begin trying to conceive our second child.
5. In what ways are you struggling with your postpartum body and eating? How are you able to cope with and heal from these struggles?
I’m struggling with my new body (i.e., stretch marks, loose belly skin, bigger breasts, etc.), which attracts both positive and negative attention. I am also finding it difficult to balance eating enough to sustain my breast milk supply without “overeating.”
I am able to cope with these struggles by considering my body’s strengths and abilities. I look at my boy and realize my body was strong enough to make him, grow him, and continue to support him with breast milk.
6. How has your intersectional identity affected your body image during pregnancy?
Note: The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines intersectionality as “the complex, cumulative way in which the effects of multiple forms of discrimination (such as racism, sexism, and classism) combine, overlap, or intersect especially in the experiences of marginalized individuals or groups.”
I have needed to advocate for myself during pregnancy. I purposely sought medical professionals who understood my intersectional identity and how to best support me during and after my pregnancy. It was important to me to find doctors who would not shame me about the way my body was changing, including the weight that I was gaining. I was aware that to stay in recovery from anorexia, I needed them to allow my body to present in the way that is natural for me, and that they could not try to influence me to attempt to fit the model of how society believes a 32-year-old woman “should” look. Agency is also important to me, so I needed to find doctors who would support the way I decided to present my appearance and with which health-promoting behaviors I chose to regularly engage.
7. If applicable, how has your relationship with food, your body, and your body image changed postpartum? And, how has your intersectional identity affected your body image after pregnancy?
My relationships with food, body, and body image have changed postpartum, but I don’t know how to express it in words yet. I am trying to figure out how to best navigate this journey postpartum in the most respectful and healthy way for myself.
8. What advice do you have for other people who are or may become pregnant as it relates to food, body, and body image?
The advice I have for other people who are or may become pregnant is similar to what I heard in eating disorder treatment programs: Take it one day at a time, and navigate it with healthcare professionals who have your best interests in mind. Understand that you are in control of your own actions.
13. What can individuals and society as a whole do to better support people during pregnancy as it relates to food, body, and body image?
People can better support pregnant women by addressing the issues they face. Pregnancy is always seen as a glorious time, but it’s not. This is especially true for those of us who have struggled with body dysphoria. I believe it is important to understand and to educate others that every woman’s journey through pregnancy is unique.
Editor’s notes:
S.F., thank you so much for this authentic, vulnerable sharing of your experiences of identity, pregnancy, and body image. Your story will certainly help others who are both in recovery from an eating disorder and attempting to navigate their relationships with their bodies during pregnancy and postpartum. It will hopefully also encourage people to understand that each woman faces unique challenges during and after pregnancy. People need to stop merely celebrating pregnancy and start supporting pregnant women and moms.
Readers, my heart aches for those of you have lost pregnancies or children. My thoughts are with you.
If you have been or are now at least six months pregnant and would like to share your story about pregnancy and body image, I would love to hear from you! Reach out to me on the Facebook page, the Contact Me section of this website, or in the comments below!
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